I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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