So drunk, too bad you don't want this
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Randomize
