she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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