Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
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