He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
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I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
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I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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