I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
