bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
