Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
