Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
