12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
