i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
