I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
