so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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