Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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