I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
