She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I cut my penus on the lid.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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