Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
