I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
