70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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