I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
