I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
