FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
