He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
