i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
