If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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