I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
