been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
