In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
