So drunk its hurt
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
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Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
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My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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