Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
