just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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