i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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