dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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