Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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