forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
