My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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