What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
