Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
