HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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