What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize
