the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
