A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize