its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
