you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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