I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Randomize
