before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
