everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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