Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
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