how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
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