Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
