I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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