R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
