My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
