Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
