Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
