So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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