We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
