smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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