I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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