One girl and one boy is just not enough.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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