okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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