does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
