Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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