It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Randomize
