then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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