i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Randomize
