Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
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Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
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i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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