somebody snuck up and got me drunk
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
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