Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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