what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
