you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
