This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
