I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
