I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
