Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
