Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
