I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
